Wilson Counseling: The Armchair Chronicles

I often get asked by people who know me personally how they can find the best therapist for them. The strength of the therapeutic relationship will have a major impact on the success of your therapy. If you and the therapist don't have very good rapport, it can feel kind of like going on a bad date. It just won't click. But that does not mean you give up on therapy, or dating for that matter, it probably just means they were not the right person for you. So, how can you choose the right therapist? Psychology Today has a helpful article that will give you some tips. I would recommend that you do some research before scheduling an appointment with someone. Ask for referrals. Check the therapist's website. And I would also recommend that you call the therapist and ask some basic question including: How many years have you been practicing? What kind of experience do you have working with (whatever problem you are experiencing)? What are your areas of expertise? Wh...

The great Dr. Maya Angelou passed away recently. Though her passing is a loss to all of us, I am thankful we have such a large body of written work and interviews so that we can glean from her life experiences, her mistakes, and her wisdom. Dr. Angelou speaks with a fluid elegance and authority that makes people stop and listen. It was riveting to watch her interview with Dave Chappelle from the Sundance show Iconoclasts. One of the quotes that really stuck with me was her discussion of anger and bitterness. Dave Chappelle was asking her about her experience with the Civil Rights movement of the 1960's.  Angelou was involved with the movement and was friends with people like Dr.Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X.  Chappelle asked her something to the effect of how can you not be angry when there was so much unwarranted violence against your friends? This was her response: “You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon ...

http://m1.behance.net I was reminded recently how powerful and healing a loving touch can be. One of my clients,  Jimmy (not his real name) was talking about the feelings of insecurity, loneliness, resentment, and self-doubt he felt after having sex with his girlfriend. Jimmy had been a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and has felt conflicted about sex for most of his life. The perpetrator of the abuse had coerced Jimmy into performing oral sex repeatedly and would yell for him to do it again and again. Jimmy felt he was never good enough to please her. He carried this need to perform into all of his sexual relationships throughout adolescence and into adulthood. It is particularly difficult for Jimmy to feel wanted if the woman he is with does not initiate physical contact. In his current relationship, his girlfriend has expressed a preference and a need for him to "be the man" and initiate sex. He feels further pressure to play the role of leader/initiator that he ...

The title of this post may sound very dramatic, but I think it is important to get the word out.  If you are feeling lonely, left out, unimportant, or even ashamed, there is way you can change all of that. This change, however, will come at a cost. One of my clients, Brooke (not her real name), tearfully shared with me how dumb she felt about her choice to keep going back to her ex-boyfriend over and over for the last 6 years. Her friends had told her a hundred times to leave him, but it had been too difficult to completely sever ties. Now her ex had moved on and was dating a much younger girl. Brooke felt old and rejected. She wondered if any man would ever want her, and she felt too ashamed to open up to her friends who she thought must be tired of listening to her. As a result, she felt completely isolated. I encouraged Brooke to open up to a trusted friend. It takes great courage to be open about our vulnerabilities, but it is the best way I have found to sta...

image:socialmediatoday.com My client John (not his real name) came in and sheepishly told me "I did something I should not have done. I got on Facebook and I looked up pictures of my ex with his new partner." As you can image, these images were very painful. John spend the rest of the night wondering how his partner could move on so quickly. He went over all of the things he had done wrong in the relationship and berated himself for his flaws. Would he now be alone for the rest of his life with no hope for love or a family? This thought haunted him: he may never be happy. We live in a very public society. People post everything on social media from what their relationship status is to pictures of what they are doing on a Friday night. It can be fun to get on a site like Facebook and connect with people without making any real effort. And when you feel lonely and vulnerable, as most people do after a break-up, social media seems like the quickest way to not feel so ...

http://blog.habitrpg.com/tagged/habitrpg-fanart Procrastination is a problem for all of us. Most of the time we accomplish what we need to accomplish to keep things moving in our lives. But there are always those pesky, irritating, boring to-do's, and even big lifestyle changes that we just can't seem to get around to. Exercise is one of those things. We vow that we will start exercising...tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes, we're tired at the end of the day, so we sit in front of the television and binge watch episodes of Dexter or Orange is the New Black . One of my clients was having this exact problem. She couldn't focus at work. She was highly anxious that her lack of productivity would lead to her being fired. And yet, as stressed out as she got, she could not seem to change her behavior and get motivated. She knew that exercising in the past had helped her sleep better, feel more rested, and concentrate better. So we set exercise goals and discusse...

image: refinery29.com I was invited to speak with radio host  Dr.Carolyn Clansy Miller on Monday at 9am . Tune in to the show to hear more about how to embrace your body at any size and start feeling confident and strong.