Wilson Counseling: The Armchair Chronicles

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Life can be a very sticky affair. It's easy to get stuck in a rut and feel ambivalent about changing. Take, for example, something as simple as exercising. How many times have you told yourself that you are going to start working out, and then proceeded to do a hundred other activities, but not a single one of them involved exercise? I have felt like I have been in rut with writing this blog lately. It's strange because I actually love writing the blog, but things got so busy in the summer. And then a few weeks went by and I had not written anything. I got out of the habit, and it started to feel like it was going to be difficult to challenge myself to block off time to write. I also told myself I would get back to it as soon as I had more free time. Sound familiar? If you sit around waiting for the right time to change, or more free time to make changes, you might never do it. So I got myself motivated with a technique that works for a lot of my clients who are having ...

I was reading a beautifully crafted essay written by one of my friends and felt simultaneously thrilled by the brilliant analysis and beautiful prose, but I also felt a little pang of jealously at the ease with which he could produce such incredible work. Even if I  painstakingly edited 100 drafts of my writing, I would never come close to his talent. Later that day, a different friend posted some photos on social media of an event he was attending. He looked like he was having the time of his life. So I started thinking about my own day, which felt a little, well, lackluster. I sighed, turned off my computer and reminded myself of what I already knew--comparing is always a trap, and it will not help me lead the life I want. I see people falling into this comparison trap all the time in my practice. Social media bombards us with carefully selected detail of our friends' lives. What we often don't think about is the fact that those status updates and pictures don...

I often get asked by people who know me personally how they can find the best therapist for them. The strength of the therapeutic relationship will have a major impact on the success of your therapy. If you and the therapist don't have very good rapport, it can feel kind of like going on a bad date. It just won't click. But that does not mean you give up on therapy, or dating for that matter, it probably just means they were not the right person for you. So, how can you choose the right therapist? Psychology Today has a helpful article that will give you some tips. I would recommend that you do some research before scheduling an appointment with someone. Ask for referrals. Check the therapist's website. And I would also recommend that you call the therapist and ask some basic question including: How many years have you been practicing? What kind of experience do you have working with (whatever problem you are experiencing)? What are your areas of expertise? Wh...

The great Dr. Maya Angelou passed away recently. Though her passing is a loss to all of us, I am thankful we have such a large body of written work and interviews so that we can glean from her life experiences, her mistakes, and her wisdom. Dr. Angelou speaks with a fluid elegance and authority that makes people stop and listen. It was riveting to watch her interview with Dave Chappelle from the Sundance show Iconoclasts. One of the quotes that really stuck with me was her discussion of anger and bitterness. Dave Chappelle was asking her about her experience with the Civil Rights movement of the 1960's.  Angelou was involved with the movement and was friends with people like Dr.Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X.  Chappelle asked her something to the effect of how can you not be angry when there was so much unwarranted violence against your friends? This was her response: “You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon ...

http://m1.behance.net I was reminded recently how powerful and healing a loving touch can be. One of my clients,  Jimmy (not his real name) was talking about the feelings of insecurity, loneliness, resentment, and self-doubt he felt after having sex with his girlfriend. Jimmy had been a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and has felt conflicted about sex for most of his life. The perpetrator of the abuse had coerced Jimmy into performing oral sex repeatedly and would yell for him to do it again and again. Jimmy felt he was never good enough to please her. He carried this need to perform into all of his sexual relationships throughout adolescence and into adulthood. It is particularly difficult for Jimmy to feel wanted if the woman he is with does not initiate physical contact. In his current relationship, his girlfriend has expressed a preference and a need for him to "be the man" and initiate sex. He feels further pressure to play the role of leader/initiator that he ...

The title of this post may sound very dramatic, but I think it is important to get the word out.  If you are feeling lonely, left out, unimportant, or even ashamed, there is way you can change all of that. This change, however, will come at a cost. One of my clients, Brooke (not her real name), tearfully shared with me how dumb she felt about her choice to keep going back to her ex-boyfriend over and over for the last 6 years. Her friends had told her a hundred times to leave him, but it had been too difficult to completely sever ties. Now her ex had moved on and was dating a much younger girl. Brooke felt old and rejected. She wondered if any man would ever want her, and she felt too ashamed to open up to her friends who she thought must be tired of listening to her. As a result, she felt completely isolated. I encouraged Brooke to open up to a trusted friend. It takes great courage to be open about our vulnerabilities, but it is the best way I have found to sta...