February 11, 2020

Are you growing apart from your partner by doing this one common thing?

If you are in a long term partnership or marriage, you already know how easy it can be to take each other for granted. We lead busy lives, and sometimes it feels hard enough getting everything done, let alone making time for our partners.
 

It can be simple things, like are you looking at your partner in the eyes, giving them a kiss or hug when you leave for the day? Or when your partner is talking with you, are you really listening and responding?



I had a client share a story with me recently about an incident with his wife when he was talking to her and she was on her phone. His feelings were really hurt by it, so he just stopped talking and walked away. In the moment that her husband first started talking, his wife made a choice. She could have walked away or ignored him. She could have reacted in an irritated way. Or she could have stopped what she was doing for a few minutes to engage with her husband. John Gottman, one of the premier experts on relationships calls this process by which you stop and engage in a positive way with your partner, "turning toward." You can read more about this in a Psychology Today article called "The Tiny, Easy Habit That Keeps Love Alive."



Pay attention this week to how often you are turning toward, turning against (expressing irritation) or turning away from (ignoring) your partner. Consciously find ways to turn toward one another. If you don't, you may find yourselves growing apart and feeling disconnected.

If you are struggling with your relationships and would like help, we have Houston Counselors who can meet with you. You can contact us 713 -591- 3612 or by email at Nancy @ wilsoncounseling. org.