February 26, 2017

In a Narcissist Relationship? What You Can Do About It.

In my last blog post, entitled "Life With A Narcissit,"I talked about what it was like living with someone who has characteristics of narcissism or even full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. You may have recognized someone you know when reading about narcissism. It can be very overwhelming to deal with individuals who have these traits. Even as a victim, you may start to feel like there is something wrong with you. What can you do to remain emotionally intact?

Elly Prior has a great article about this entitled "How to Deal With a Narcissist Partner." Below is an infographic I created showing some of Elly's top 10 tips for surviving life with a partner who has
narcissistic traits.

Top 10 Tips For Surviving Life With a Narcissistic Partner

One of the most important skills you can use to protect yourself with a narcissistic partner is boundary setting. Setting boundaries simply means you are communicating what is and is not okay. It is kind of like establishing the rules or guidelines of the relationship. 

Setting boundaries not only protects you, it is a way for you to respect yourself and to ask for respect from those you interact with, including and especially your narcissistic partner. Setting boundaries will help you keep from eroding your sense of self respect. There is also the added bonus of modeling healthy behavior in front of your kids or others around you, so they can learn to protect themselves as well.

If you do not want to get emotionally swallowed up and spit out by your partner, boundary setting is necessary.

So how do you set boundaries? For the sake of brevity, I won't go into much detail about setting boundaries, but I will recommend you read this page on setting boundaries, which has a lot of good information about what to do and not do when trying to set boundaries. 

I'm not sure who Spartan Life Coach is,  and though I found his tone to be a little bit intense,  I found his youtube video on the "12 Steps to Dealing with Narrcissists" to be helpful.


What To Say To a Narcissist


If you are looking for some words to use when you interact with a narcissist, check out the sample dialogues below:

Narcissist: Says ugly things about you in front of your children

You say: "This is not good for the children. If you keep talking this way, I will remove the kids from the situation and tell explain to them what is actually going on. Although I won't say bad things about you, I will explain to them why this type of behavior is not okay. "

Narcissist: Swears at you on the phone and is verbally abusive

You say: "If you are willing to speak peacefully, I am happy to talk to you about your concerns, but if you keep talking to me in that tone with those words, I will have to hang up the phone. " (If they continue, hang up the phone. Do not attempt to argue or fight back.)

: Threatens to divorce or leave you if you don't do what they want.

You say: "If you choose to leave me, that is your choice. I have to be true to standing up for the things I feel I need in my life. "

You can't control your narcissistic partner, but you can control how you deal with him. And that gives you significant power over your own life. You are deserving of care, love, and respect, not abuse. If you can't get those things from your partner, I recommend you surround yourself with others who can treat you with dignity. 

Narcissists are Emotional Vampires

Narcissists are emotional vampires who will suck you dry if you do not stop them. It is normal for people who have to interact with them to feel crazy, but you are not crazy. You are just worn out by the constant blaming and barrage of attacks. Seek support, seek help. 

If you are struggling with the pain of being in a relationship with a narcissist, professional counseling can help.

You can call our Houston counselors at 713 - 591 - 3612 or mail us at nancy @ wilsoncounseling. org. Please visit the Wilson Counseling website at www.wilsoncounseling.org to find out more.