Wilson Counseling: The Armchair Chronicles

http://m1.behance.net I was reminded recently how powerful and healing a loving touch can be. One of my clients,  Jimmy (not his real name) was talking about the feelings of insecurity, loneliness, resentment, and self-doubt he felt after having sex with his girlfriend. Jimmy had been a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and has felt conflicted about sex for most of his life. The perpetrator of the abuse had coerced Jimmy into performing oral sex repeatedly and would yell for him to do it again and again. Jimmy felt he was never good enough to please her. He carried this need to perform into all of his sexual relationships throughout adolescence and into adulthood. It is particularly difficult for Jimmy to feel wanted if the woman he is with does not initiate physical contact. In his current relationship, his girlfriend has expressed a preference and a need for him to "be the man" and initiate sex. He feels further pressure to play the role of leader/initiator that he ...

The title of this post may sound very dramatic, but I think it is important to get the word out.  If you are feeling lonely, left out, unimportant, or even ashamed, there is way you can change all of that. This change, however, will come at a cost. One of my clients, Brooke (not her real name), tearfully shared with me how dumb she felt about her choice to keep going back to her ex-boyfriend over and over for the last 6 years. Her friends had told her a hundred times to leave him, but it had been too difficult to completely sever ties. Now her ex had moved on and was dating a much younger girl. Brooke felt old and rejected. She wondered if any man would ever want her, and she felt too ashamed to open up to her friends who she thought must be tired of listening to her. As a result, she felt completely isolated. I encouraged Brooke to open up to a trusted friend. It takes great courage to be open about our vulnerabilities, but it is the best way I have found to sta...