Skip to main content

Letting go of bitterness : Lessons from Maya Angelou

Image
By

The great Dr. Maya Angelou passed away recently. Though her passing is a loss to all of us, I am thankful we have such a large body of written work and interviews so that we can glean from her life experiences, her mistakes, and her wisdom. Dr. Angelou speaks with a fluid elegance and authority that makes people stop and listen. It was riveting to watch her interview with Dave Chappelle from the Sundance show Iconoclasts.

One of the quotes that really stuck with me was her discussion of anger and bitterness. Dave Chappelle was asking her about her experience with the Civil Rights movement of the 1960's.  Angelou was involved with the movement and was friends with people like Dr.Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X.  Chappelle asked her something to the effect of how can you not be angry when there was so much unwarranted violence against your friends? This was her response:

“You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it.” – Maya Angelou

You can start the video of the interview around minute 5:15 to hear the rest of the conversation about anger and bitterness.

There are times when you have every right to be angry. I spoke with a client yesterday who is struggling with forgiving her biological mom. Her biological mom gave her up for adoption as a baby. As an adult, my client tried to initiate a relationship with her mom. But, the relationship stalled out time after time because her mom would rarely treat her well. Ultimately, my client decided to end all communication, but she still feels eaten up with resentment and bitterness. 

The challenge for all of us is to learn to let go of the bitterness. There are so many outlets we can use to channel the bitter cancer out of ourselves. As an artist, Angelou found it cathartic to use her gift of writing to deal with bitterness. Think about the ways you can let go of your bitterness. It may involve talking it out with a friend or therapist, going for a long walk, praying and meditating, painting your feelings, or some other creative outlet. Find your outlet and you can begin to feel the lightness and relief that come with having the courage to forgive.


If you are struggling and would like help, we have Houston, Texas Counselors who can meet with you. You can contact us at 713 -591- 3612 or by email at Nancy@wilsoncounseling.org. 

 *this blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letting go of broken relationships

By
One of my Houston clients brought in this picture of a naked woman embracing a skeleton. She told me it had moved her deeply and spoke to her in a way that words could not. For this client, it was a visual depiction of a relationship she was holding onto with a man who could never really give her what she needed. When he would call her, she experienced a rush of happiness. But when he ignored her for days or weeks, she was forlorn and hopeless. She questioned herself and wondered why she was not more attractive to him. She was sure that if she were prettier, or smarter, or better in some way, he would be more interested. And she hated herself for not being able to just move on despite knowing the relationship was broken and lifeless.  Seeing all of this depicted in this image communicated directly to her heart what was really going on. She was holding onto a man who was emotionally dead, unable to give back or love, or share in any satisfying way. She felt disgusted at t...
11 comments
Read more

Life With A Narcissist

By
During the recent presidential election cycle, people threw around the term narcissist or narcissistic personality disorder a lot when talking about Donald Trump. Many articles were written and tweets tweeted about the subject. As a therapist, I know that I can not diagnose someone I have never examined, but the discussions did call to mind my clients who have partners that exhibit traits of narcissism or even full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)? NPD is a mental health diagnosis that is characterized by an unhealthy sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Many people have traits of narcissism, but very few, about 6.2% of the population, would meet diagnostic criteria for NPD. You can learn more about it from this nifty animated video: How does narcissism affect you in a relationship? I can recall one client, Cindy,  who came to me feeling...
4 comments
Read more

How To Support Someone Going Through Infertility

By
Guest Blog Post by Sarah Bradshaw ------------------------- For many women, trying to get pregnant is difficult, stressful, and painful Have you heard this story: woman meets someone, they fall in love, commit to one another, and then along comes a baby (or two or three)? Simple, right? For many women, having a baby is anything but simple. It can, in fact, be a difficult, stressful and potentially painful --both emotionally and physically--experience . Sometimes, the above stor y goes like this: woman meets someone, they fall in love , commit to one another, and then--nothing, absolutely nothing. The woman goes to see her do ctor to see if something is wrong . Sometimes , there's nothing wrong . The doctor says it’s just going to take more time (insert frown or angry face here) . S ometimes they get referred to a specialist. The referral is the start of a very bumpy and emotional ride. I know be cau se I have been there, and I know many other women who ha...
4 comments
Read more