Why we blame others for our problems

We will never experience intimacy in relationships if we blame others for our problems

"I don't share anything personal with my mom", my client told me. "My mom is one of those people who always blames other people for her problems.

When I was growing up she told me the reason we did not have enough money is because my dad had abandoned her by divorcing her. According to her, my dad was also the reason she did not have any friends, that she gained so much weight, that she had to live in a broken down house, that she was alone in life.

At first I thought my dad was a bad person, but I figured out after listening to my mom blame others for every problem in her life that she had a messed up perspective. I knew if I shared with her things I was struggling with, I knew that she would go negative, blame me or someone else, and the whole conversation would just depress me."

Blame is the discharging of discomfort and pain

Why do we blame others for our problems? According to Brene Brown, blame is the discharging of discomfort and pain. Instead of being vulnerable about our anger, frustration or other types of pain, it is easier to blame others. In this insightful and entertaining short from the Royal Society for the Encouragement of Arts, Manufactures, and Commerce, Brown talks about why we blame and why we should consider giving up this damaging behavior. Enjoy!

If you are having trouble letting go of anger, frustration, or other emotional pain, talking to a Houston Therapist can help. For questions or more information, please contact Nancy Wilson at 713 - 591- 3612 or via email at nancy @ wilsoncounseling. org.

If you would like to receive these blog posts automatically in your inbox, click on the subscribe link on the top righthand side of this page and enter your email.

Comments

Letting go of broken relationships

One of my Houston clients brought in this picture of a naked woman embracing a skeleton. She told me it had moved her deeply and spoke to her in a way that words could not. For this client, it was a visual depiction of a relationship she was holding onto with a man who could never really give her what she needed. When he would call her, she experienced a rush of happiness. But when he ignored her for days or weeks, she was forlorn and hopeless. She questioned herself and wondered why she was not more attractive to him. She was sure that if she were prettier, or smarter, or better in some way, he would be more interested. And she hated herself for not being able to just move on despite knowing the relationship was broken and lifeless. Seeing all of this depicted in this image communicated directly to her heart what was really going on. She was holding onto a man who was emotionally dead, unable to give back or love, or share in any satisfying way. She felt disgusted at t...

Life With A Narcissist

During the recent presidential election cycle, people threw around the term narcissist or narcissistic personality disorder a lot when talking about Donald Trump. Many articles were written and tweets tweeted about the subject. As a therapist, I know that I can not diagnose someone I have never examined, but the discussions did call to mind my clients who have partners that exhibit traits of narcissism or even full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)? NPD is a mental health diagnosis that is characterized by an unhealthy sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Many people have traits of narcissism, but very few, about 6.2% of the population, would meet diagnostic criteria for NPD. You can learn more about it from this nifty animated video: How does narcissism affect you in a relationship? I can recall one client, Cindy, who came to me feeling...

How To Support Someone Going Through Infertility

Guest Blog Post by Sarah Bradshaw ------------------------- For many women, trying to get pregnant is difficult, stressful, and painful Have you heard this story: woman meets someone, they fall in love, commit to one another, and then along comes a baby (or two or three)? Simple, right? For many women, having a baby is anything but simple. It can, in fact, be a difficult, stressful and potentially painful --both emotionally and physically--experience . Sometimes, the above stor y goes like this: woman meets someone, they fall in love , commit to one another, and then--nothing, absolutely nothing. The woman goes to see her do ctor to see if something is wrong . Sometimes , there's nothing wrong . The doctor says it’s just going to take more time (insert frown or angry face here) . S ometimes they get referred to a specialist. The referral is the start of a very bumpy and emotional ride. I know be cau se I have been there, and I know many other women who ha...

Wilson Counseling: The Armchair Chronicles

Search This Blog