Wilson Counseling: The Armchair Chronicles

Criticism leads to shame. Self-compassion leads to action. This year, instead of making a resolution that I won't keep, I am resolving to focus on being more compassionate to myself. Sounds hokey, I know. "What does that even mean?" you may be asking. Self-compassion is largely about treating yourself with the same compassion you would treat others you care about even when you fail. So, for example, instead of berating myself for parts of my body that I don't like, I can acknowledge that I work hard and use my body well and that I am a work in progress. It's okay if parts of me are not what I want them to be at all times. That compassionate attitude towards myself allows me to work on what I want to change without shaming me. Shame, after all,  just leads to inaction and poorer self-esteem. "Suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience." --Dr. Kristin Neff Kristin Neff is a researcher and professor who ...

I was attending church, and during announcements, one of the members (who happened to be George H W Bush’s grandson) got up to encourage people to get involved in Big Brothers Big Sisters. It is an organization that he himself was very involved with and was passionate about. He talked about how his grandfather had taught him that he is responsible for being a point of light in the world.  When 41 spoke about the 1,000 points of light, I always assumed it was just a political talking point. But, I realized at that moment, that it was more than just a talking point. It was part of the Bush legacy, something he passed on to those who were willing to listen, including his grandchildren.  No one who does anything of importance has a spotless or perfect record. That’s not what life is really about anyways. Life is messy, love is messy, caring and fighting for what you believe in is messy.  But, when it’s my time to go, I would like to know that my lega...

Andrew was just 11 years old when it happened. His mom had to work nights, so him and his twin brother Jack were being watched by a close family friend, Florence. She was kind of an Aunt figure to the boys. She woke the boys sometime in the dark of night, and said one horrifying word he can not forget, "Fuck." She forced him and then his brother to repeatedly perform cunnilingus and then have intercourse with her. Each time saying "again, and again, and again." Andrew remembers her musty smell, the chill in the air and the glow from the moon in the hall. He remembers desperately hoping that someone would hear them through the opening in the door and rescue them, but a rescuer never showed. Trauma can work in strange ways. There are some parts of the traumatic event that can imprint in your brain as clear as if you are watching them on TV right in front of you. Other memories get buried and can be hard to access. Keeping the secret of abuse After An...

Andrew was just 11 years old when it happened. His mom had to work nights, so him and his twin brother Jack were being watched by a close family friend, Florence. She was kind of an Aunt figure to the boys. She woke the boys sometime in the dark of night, and said one horrifying word he can not forget, "Fuck." She forced him and then his brother to repeatedly perform cunnilingus and then have intercourse with her. Each time saying "again, and again, and again." Andrew remembers her musty smell, the chill in the air and the glow from the moon in the hall. He remembers desperately hoping that someone would hear them through the opening in the door and rescue them, but a rescuer never showed. Trauma can work in strange ways. There are some parts of the traumatic event that can imprint in your brain as clear as if you are watching them on TV right in front of you. Other memories get buried and can be hard to access. Keeping the secret of abuse After An...

It is hard to believe it has been almost a year since Hurricane Harvey rolled through our beloved city and dropped 50 inches of rain, flooding entire swaths of Houston. Even a year later, I still feel shocked when I see the dramatic photographs of freeways and homes and cars submerged, of what looks like all of Houston under water. I feel sad when I see the pictures of homes gutted and belongings tossed in large piles on the sidewalk. via I still remember the feeling of dread when my husband woke me at 5am on August 27th, 2017, looked me in the eyes and said, "the water is coming in." I remember walking on our wet wood floors to wake up my daughters, scrambling to try to move things off the ground and then all of us sitting on our sofa as the waters rose and wondering "What are we going to do now?" I remember moving to higher ground at a neighbor's second story home, and then, when it became clear the rain would not stop, being evacuated from the seco...

Wilson Counseling is pleased to welcome our newest contract  therapist, Dr. Xin Wang. Dr. Wang is a bilingual Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) who has experience in both academia and clinical practice. She is passionate about helping people reach their goals and get rid depression, stress and grief.  Dr. Wang has experience in counseling various age groups including adolescents, young adults, and seniors from diverse cultural backgrounds. She draws on client's own strengths and a variety of techniques to collaborate with clients and help them feel better and gain control of their lives. Her specialties and interests include: ·              Stress management ·              Chronic disease, particularly cancer ·              Grief and loss ·     ...

If you are feeling stressed, check out my video with an easy breathing technique. It has been enormously helpful to almost all of my clients. You can use it proactively to keep anxiety down or as needed when something stressful comes up. Take control of your life 5 minutes at a time!

You are worn out You work hard. You put your partner, your kid, and your work before yourself because that is what you think a grownup is supposed to do. And you're tired. Your emotional and physical health are compromised. I talk to clients and friends all the time who feel worn thin, but they believe they don't have any choice but to keep doing what they're doing because if they don't, their world might fall apart. Their kids won't get to the doctor or the after-school activity. The laundry won't get done, the house won't get cleaned, the dinners won't get cooked. Life is not fun. And whether we recognize it or not, sometimes we're not effective because we're running on fumes. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself In her book Braving The Wilderness , Brene Brown talks about the idea of giving ourselves permission slips. When my daughter goes on a field trip for school, I have to sign a permission slip saying it is okay...

Most people starting couples therapy come in focused on their partners’ flaws. Few people come into my office and say, “We’re here because I complain too often, I yell all the time and don’t help out around the house.” It’s understandable that when you’ve been repeatedly hurt by your partner, you would be defensive and see the need for change in them. Nevertheless, the only changes you can make happen are changes in the way you show up in the relationship during the good times and the bad. You take control of your relationships by learning to change yourself first. 4 Relationship Patterns to Look Out For Renowned couples therapists, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have identified four communication patterns that are detrimental to relationships and often result in divorce. These are called the Four Horsemen:  1. Criticism –  a verbal attack often disguised as a critique or complaint  2. Contempt –  behaviors aimed at making your partner feel worthless...

I hit the snooze button and then I hit it again until I absolutely have to get out of bed. I have trouble cleaning my home even though it bothers me to see it dirty. I avoid making that phone call to schedule a doctor's appointment. I keep speaking sarcastically to my partner when I wish I was being kind instead.  How can you change your bad habits and learn to feel more in control? Mel Robbins describes one simple tip for moving from idea to action. She recommends you count down 5-4-3-2-1, and then spring into action. If you wait any longer to act, your brain will sabotage any changes in your behavior you are trying to make. As humans we are wired to want comfort, pleasure and familiarity, so we resist change. Pausing like you do when you hit the snooze button effectively stops you from making changes. You can use this technique called the 5 second rule to outsmart your brain. Using the rule, you interrupt habit loops that get encoded in the brain. Counting down, w...

Last week we celebrated the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. He is inspiring for many reasons. One of the things I personally find the most inspiring is that he devoted his life to something--civil rights--even though it was incredibly hard and even dangerous. In the end, he paid the ultimate price, his life, but his legacy has has brought our society one step closer to the promises of our democracy.  You may not be trying to change the entire course of our country, but you do have hard things in your life that you want to accomplish. Nothing worthwhile was ever done without hard work, persistence, thought, and time. And everything important thing worth doing will be met with resistance. Fight through that resistance, fight the people who criticize, persist in the things that matter. You will always feel stronger when you do hard things.  Here are some quotes from MLK to encourage you in your journey as you try to make changes and take charge of your life. I hope you ...

I came across this video the other day talking about how stress affects your brain. If you have ever wondered how stress affects your brain I would recommend you check it out. One of the most proven ways to deal with stress is through meditation. If you have been interested in meditating but need some help getting started or staying on schedule I recommend you use a meditation app like  headspace.  They are having a 40% off discount that you can take advantage of or use the free version. If you are struggling and would like help, we have Houston, Texas Counselors who can meet with you. You can  contact  us 713 -591- 3612 or by email at Nancy @ wilsoncounseling. org.  This blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling.