Wilson Counseling: The Armchair Chronicles

http://homeklondike.com/2011/10/21/10-ideas-for-christmas-dining-room/ Need a little extra help dealing with your eating disorder this holiday season? I am reposting this from last year because I think the information is appropriate this time of year. These are helpful ideas from the  National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) about how to successfully negotiate your way through the holidays. Tips # 6 & 7 can be especially useful in talking about specific ways your support system can help you through this season. I hope you all have a wonderful, relaxing, Holiday Season. If you or someone you love are dealing with an eating disorder, please contact one of our Houston counselors to find out how we can help.

I came across this video from the makers of Special K about women using "fat talk." According to the video, 93% of women use derogatory terms, or "fat talk" to describe their bodies. For example, they might say something such as "I look like a fat cow in this outfit."  Words are powerful. When you use "fat talk," it impacts how you feel about yourself. One of women in the video equated it with bullying. Can you imagine what a lifetime of this talk has done to your self-esteem? This week, pay attention to the thoughts and words you use when thinking about your physical body. Write down any negative self-talk. Then next to the negative words, write down a rebuttal or a positive comment about your body. Sometimes it helps if you think about what you would say to a friend who was criticizing themselves. Battle your inner critic. Be vigilant about not allowing yourself to use bullying, degrading terms about your body.  By the way, my inclusio...

We lost a great hero this week at the death of president Nelson Mandela on December 5th. He suffered in prison for 27 years for his role in trying to end apartheid in South Africa. I can only imagine how I would feel if I was unjustly arrested, and forced to spend decades behind bars. I can imagine coming out bitter, broken, and revengeful. But Nelson Mandela understood that bitterness would come at a great price. Talking about his release from prison, he said, "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison." It is sometimes hard to let go of the bitterness, anger, and scorn we feel for the people in our lives who have wounded us. Very often those people are close family or friends, and the wound is made more difficult when we have to regularly face those individuals. I think about one of my clients who was sexually abused as a child by a family frie...

http://www.ahamodernliving.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/110609moderntday.jpg Every show I heard on the radio today was about food - not surprising considering Thanksgiving is just two days away. They talked about how to cook the perfect bird, what side dishes make good accompaniments, even how to smoke tofu to give it that seasonal flavor - yuck, smoked tofu???!!   For many out there, all the talk of food and the idea of those piles of food on the Thanksgiving table can be a little bit unnerving. People often categorize food as good or bad. A lot of the food that will make an appearance on your dinner table this Thursday may be categorized as "bad" and become triggers for you to overeat, or to feel guilty - anything white and starchy or sweet often makes the naughty foods list. There is a way to prevent this, to be free to enjoy your meal, and the loved ones you share it with. There is a way you can slow things down, really taste your food and realiz...

We are just days away from Thanksgiving, and the marathon race towards Christmas has begun. Holiday shopping, holiday parties, hosting family and a full calendar of to-do's can make this season more hectic than holy. To enjoy the holidays in a way you may not have in years, I encourage you to do two things. First, learn to say not to unnecessary commitments. It can be hard to tell someone no, but learning to set boundaries will help you keep your sanity. Second, make time to set aside to just be quiet and meditate, pray, think...whatever you need to do to slow down the hurried thoughts in your mind and create a sense of peace and order. Even 15 minutes a day of this type of meditation, can will help you feel calmer, more empathetic, and allow you to see your life more clearly and with more perspective.

I am so impressed by the love and devotion of parents who bring their children into my office to help them deal with their eating disorder struggles. It is incredibly painful to watch your child suffer, but these parents try every day to understand their kids, to support them, and to walk with them through the emotional roller coaster of their disorder. There is hope for change for these children, but my hope would be that parents never have to walk down this road in the first place. ANRED has a helpful article with tips for prevent eating disorders in children. I will be expanding on some of these points in upcoming blog posts, but remember that the good news is that parents can be proactive in creating a home environment  that fosters healthy esteem which will make their children less susceptible to eating disorders. The article discusses some of these prevention techniques.

image: hgtv.com Here are some helpful tips from psychologist Dr.Susan Albers on how to enjoy Halloween without overeating the candy. Have a safe and fun Halloween!

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/03/31/article-1372028-0B6D0A6600000578-246_634x411.jpg I came across the wonderful song by Baz Luhrman. He offers his advice on how to be free. The whole song makes me smile, but I especially appreciated this line about being free in your body. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own, dance Even if it you have nowhere to do it but your own living room If you have 5 minutes,  listen to this  and see if you don't feel inspired to be free!

image:gratisography.com In my mind Thanksgiving has long been a holiday that is about food. Sure, I know that is not what the Pilgrims had in mind when they sat down with the American Indians so many years ago, but somewhere along the way, the mashed potatoes and gravy seem to have won out to giving thanks. But lately, I have been thinking about the importance of expressing gratitude. I have been thinking about the need to take time off to cleanse our minds on a daily basis. There is a lot of research to support how transformative it is for people to intentionally express gratitude. Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at the University of California-Davis has noted that practicing gratitude in a systematic way can actually changes people by changing brains that are "wired for negativity, for noticing gaps and omissions." He explains, "When you express a feeling, you amplify it. When you express anger, you become angrier: When you express gratitude, you...

http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/32300000/Hump-Back-Whale-humpback-whales-32310756-1280-1024.jpg I have a very creative, artistic seven year old daughter. She often sees her world through a totally unique lens. Several years ago, I walked into her bedroom and found that she had cut some holes in her blue bed sheets. Puzzled about why she would do this, I asked her why she cut her sheets. She replied, "The horses needed water." Although I am not really sure what she meant exactly, I could imagine in her creative mind that the blue bed sheets were a cool stream and she wanted her toy horses to have access to a drink. I love seeing the world through her minds eye, and I try to tell her how much I appreciate her creative side, just as I try to appreciate each of my children's unique qualities. But, somewhere along the way, she started to feel it was not good to be different. One day, seemingly out of the blue, she told me, "Mommy, I am an odd ball. I don...

http://avintageaffairgal.blogspot.com/2011/11/when-retro-ladies-speak-out.html Today is a busy day. You know you have a lot to get done and not enough time to do it all. You start your work day with a quick read of the e-mails in your inbox, but that quick read soon leads down a rabbit trail of distractions. Your friend sent out and e-mail with a video link to some music video about a fox on YouTube. You know you should watch it later, but curiosity has got you... Three minutes and 45 amusing seconds later you chide yourself for the distraction and try to get back to work - if you can divert yourself from the other string of amusing videos, facebook updates, e-mails and articles that are cluttering up your inbox and your mind. There are so many things competing for your time. So, how can you stay on track? First, start by managing the distractions in your life. Review your day and prioritize what is critical to get done that day. It often helps to make a written list. Say no...

I have several clients with eating disorders who are starting college for the first time in the fall. Freshman year in college can be a difficult transition for anyone, but the food situation is particularly challenging if you struggle with an eating disorder. This article has some good information about how to help the people you love transition to college life. I especially like the sample transition contract that you draw up with your student. It has specific target behaviors that your student will maintain if she is to stay in school. With a contract, everyone is on the same page and your student know what is expected and how to stay on track with recovery.

www.kiyonna.com I have never liked going to the store and trying on a swim suit. Having a short, curvier body type, it felt particularly challenging, and those mirrors in the dressing room seem to magnify everything! I know this is a huge struggle for my clients as well. I remember one client who had fun beach vacation planned with her friends, but it was ruined for her after she saw a picture of herself in her swimsuit. She felt fat and could not stop comparing herself to her "skinny" friends. This led her down the path of restricting her food intake, and further down the path of her eating disorder. For many of you, it may feel inevitable that you will feel insecure, fat, or even ugly in a swimsuit, but before you start on that summer diet, please consider that there are many healthy ways to feel good and enjoy your summer. Check out this article about 5 things you can do to stop stressing about your bikini body. I especially like the body positive affirmation ....

I had a Houston client today talking about his parenting abilities. "When you break it down", he told me, "I am just trying to not f*** up my kids." I appreciate his honesty so much. I think good parents often worry about whether their choices will help or wound their children. My precious six-year-old walked into my room first thing this morning, looked straight at me and asked me if she was skinny. I faltered for a second- taken aback by her question.  As a therapist who works with people who struggle with body image and self-identity, I am very sensitive about this topic. I try not to label my children with terms like "skinny" or "chubby" or say anything that will give them a stigma about their bodies. My hope for my kids would be that they would appreciate and be thankful for the unique qualities in the bodies they have been given. Parents are not solely responsible for how kids feel about their bodies, but we do have a big ...

If things feel off-kilter in your life, you may be doing some of these twelve things listed in this Health.com article that sabotage your mental health. The great thing about the article is that it also give you practical ideas for what you can do to change those behaviors. http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20694928,00.html?xid=healthyliving05012013

It feels like we live increasingly busy and yet increasingly isolated lives. Our lives are filled with so many activities involving interactions with so many people, and yet rarely do we stop and make deep connections with any of them. How can you stop? The to-do list is too long. Who has time for the luxury of quality time with friends? For me, I sometimes feel guilty taking time away from my family, or my job to just hang out with friends. But there is a cost to this type of isolation from friends. There is an increasing body of evidence that suggests that people with close friends are much healthier than those without. People with friends tend to live longer, have better brain health, are more likely to recover from diseases like breast cancer, and are even less likely to get colds (perhaps due to lower stress levels). It is not quite clear why this is the case, but it is a consistent finding. Social support will help you live a healthier, happier life. So if you are lookin...

Most of us have at some point had a job we just did not like. Perhaps your boss resembled one of the supervisors in the black comedy Horrible Bosses - the Psycho, the Man-eater, or the Tool! Okay, maybe they are not that bad, but you still don't love working for them. Perhaps your paycheck isn't cutting it. Perhaps your job does not seem to have any opportunities for growth, is not stimulating, or perhaps it just feels like your job is sucking the life out of you and you need out, NOW! image:mba2u.org That is the point at which some of my career counseling clients come to me. They are smart, determined, skilled people who are burned out and need some help figuring out what the next step is for them. Many of them are considering getting an MBA as a way to expand their option and their paychecks. When I talk to them about the MBA, they have often not done the research to find out if it will really lead them to what they are looking for. Before you invest the considerab...

image:http://blog.nj.com/justin/2008/01/large_fridgesxx.jpg What you eat before bed can affect your sleep. This article lists the best and worst foods for sleep: http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20628881,00.html

Between 8 and 10 million Americans have an eating disorder. It is estimated that 50% of Americans personally know someone with an eating disorder. Check out this video for ways to spot an eating disorder within someone you love. http://www.wkyc.com/news/article/283982/45/How-to-spot-an-eating-disorder-within-someone-you-love

Networking with professional organizations is a great way to find out about job opportunities, meet professionals in your field, and get support as you find work or try to launch into a new career.  For a handy list of Houston professional organizations in your field, check out this free resource on VocationVillage.com. 

It felt like the theme of the day for my clients yesterday was stress. The teen with so much school work she was up until midnight, the twenty-something worried about what her boss thought of her work performance, the middle aged man stressed out about the self-destructive choices his adult son was making. These clients were in different stages of life, but they all experienced their stress in a similar way. They felt anxious, had interrupted sleep, preoccupied thoughts, and just generally had trouble enjoying all of the individual moments of their lives. Sound familiar to anyone?  It is so easy to get caught up in the stresses of daily life. From the moment I get up my mind starts thinking about everything I have to do for the day, and the week, and even what needs to happen by the end of the month. I need to take the car to the shop, pick up snacks for my daughter's girl scout meeting, work on a new blog post, do my taxes, and get dinner ready. I feel myself tensi...

Image: tofu-2011 project Yesterday, I had the opportunity to speak at a local high school with a panel of specialists on eating disorders. I was impressed with the large crowd of students who voluntarily showed up on their lunch break to hear about eating disorders. This was clearly a topic that these high school students cared about. I guess it is not surprising considering that some estimates show nearly 11% of high school students have been diagnosed with an eating disorder (www.anad.org). During the question and answer portion of the presentation, several students asked how they can know if they have an eating disorder. I think it is pretty safe to assume that nearly everyone in the room struggles with their weight and body image, and may have tried dieting to control those factors, but how can they know if they have a full-blown, this-feels-out-of-control, I-need-to-get-help type of eating disorder? There is a great assessment you can take online to quickly help you de...

Image: roomency.co.uk How much money would you give up for more flexibility at work? A recent study done by staffing firm Mom Corps, found that 45% of people would give up part (about 8.6%) of their salary to have more flexibility at work. And that number is up approximately 3% from the prior year's survey. Flexibility is becoming increasingly more important to workers today. In my coaching practice, I  regularly get asked for help from clients looking for more flexible work options. But in the wild world of work, how can you trap that elusive beast - the flexible job? A great place to start would be to explore the website workoptions.com . On the website, there are downloadable workplace proposals that you can use when talking to your boss about getting a more flexible schedule. There are also lots of great articles on how to build your confidence, and how to help you plan your strategy before talking to your boss. If you have been hoping to find mor...

Eating disorders can lead to feelings of hopelessness, but recovery is possible. Join us on 2/23/2013 for the Houston Eating Disorder Specialists Conference for a day of education and hope as we explore the latest advances in eating disorders care with local and national experts -  including Carolyn Costin, one of the foremost experts in the treatment of eating disorders . This conference will benefit anyone wanting more information about these treatable illnesses, including students, professionals, and those affected by eating disorders. You don't want to miss this. If you are interested in attending the conference, you can register through the link below. Hope to see you there! http://www.houstoneds.org/events/heds-2013-conference-a-journey-of-hope/

Don't tell them that...What not to say on your resume! At some point in your life you will need a resume. Resume can be tricky to craft well. And the stakes are high. If you have a bad resume, you will likely not get the interview you want. No interview = no job. So, be careful about what you put on your resume. Check out this article that I contributed to for more on what not to put on your resume. http://www.findtherightjob.com/seeker/dont-tell-them-that-what-to-leave-off-your-resume/

I recently finished reading Margot Starbuck's " Unsqueezed - Springing free from skinny jeans, nose jobs, highlights, and stilettos ." Starbuck addresses from a Christian perspective, a dilemma many of us face on a daily basis, What do I do when I don't feel good in my own skin? Those pesky thoughts pop into your head, "If only I could change my hair, get rid of those unfortunate wrinkles around my eyes, and deal with some of that cellulite on my thighs, maybe then I would finally feel good." As Starbuck points out, these insecurities are only intensified by a culture that seems to have "effectively marketed the myth that women's bodies exist for no higher purpose than to be viewed." With wit and humor, Starbuck addresses the issues that often lead us to feeling less than, and discusses practical ways to embrace who you are. There can be real freedom if we accept our bodies and use them for the purposes for which they were created. Afte...

http://www.scenicreflections.com/download/259066/Happy_Pink_Ice_Cream_Wallpaper/ What foods do you crave when you are sad, or angry, or bored? Many of us will reach for some ice cream or potato chips when we are moody. It feels like that bowl of Blue Bell will make everything better, but sadly, you still feel pretty rotten when you get to the bottom of the bowl. You may have tried to feed your emotions with food but have completely ignored the fact that you feel sad about a disagreement you had with a friend or your spouse. That is called emotional eating--eating to feed an uncomfortable feeling, not your physical hunger. Emotional eating is a major cause of overeating. In fact, according to experts, 75% of overeating is caused by emotions. Turning to food can become a bad habit that can stop you from learning the skills you need to actually take care of yourself when you are upset, and it can lead to overeating and lower self-esteem. By identifying your own personal trigge...